WAYS TO BE A VALENTINE
In the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, you may want to increase or magnify all the feels. This day set aside for love will be that much more “heart”felt if you take some time to intentionally prime the pump of romance. These suggestions don’t involve flowers, candy, or shopping. Instead, they invite you to share from your heart in ways that are unique to you and your partner. That may be scarier than buying a box of chocolates, because these simple statements, shared with your Valentine, require you to be vulnerable. Any time we express our genuine truth, it can be daunting. That’s okay! The rewards are so worth a tiny bit of discomfort. You can’t have intimacy without vulnerability!
Here are some suggestions for stoking your relationship:
Don’t underestimate this simple but powerful gesture: look your partner in the eyes and say, “Thank you.”
In the seven days leading up to Valentine’s Day, consider telling your partner one thing you appreciate about them each day. Examples: how they take care of things around the house; their sense of humor; how kind they were with you/kids/neighbor, etc; how hard they work to help provide; their cooking; their willingness to clean up the kid’s vomit or dog poop, etc.; the pride they take in home/self/car/kids etc.
Think about the following prompts, then complete the sentence and share it with your partner. “You know, I was just thinking, . . .” You can write it down and slip it to them as a note or text, or you can say it at some point during the day.
What first attracted me to you was . . .
The first time I knew I loved you was when . . .
One time I was awed by you was when . . .
One of the funnest times with you was when . . .
I love it when you [apply the 5 love languages here: Gifts, acts of service, physical touch, affirmations, quality time.]
Tell me . . .
Touch me . . .
Spend time . . .
Give . . .
Do . . .
Judy has been a therapist for over thirty years. She is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist Emeritus, and holds professional memberships in the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapists (AAMFT) and EMDRIA (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing International Association). She was among the first to get advanced training in Discernment Counseling.
Judy pursued a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy to fulfill her long-held interest in couple relationships. From early in her first marriage, she and her late husband—also a licensed counselor—led parenting workshops and marriage enrichment retreats, and eventually saw couples together in counseling. Her private practice in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area specialized in couple therapy and trauma. She taught marriage and family therapy students for over twenty years, was lead researcher for the Minnesota Family Strengths Project, and has served on boards locally and nationally for family organizations.
Judy is now creatively retired and lives in Arkansas with her husband, Peter. Together they have eight children and fifteen grandchildren. She enjoys living on the river and watching pelicans from her writing desk.
